Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
