did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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