My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
