omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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