She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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