I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
