I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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