So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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