I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
