I've blown a few things in my day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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