Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
