1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
