dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
