I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
