And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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