so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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