also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
