can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
