ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
