I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just pee around me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
