kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
