Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just forgot I was standing up.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
