shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
