Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Bring me that man meat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
