I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
