I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
