i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
