hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
cat food counts as protein by the way
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
