she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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