I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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