"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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