Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
