Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
