sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
