worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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