I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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