The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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