I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
