omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
