Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
