Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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