The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
