new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
