I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
