There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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