I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
