I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
