On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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