I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
