Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
