It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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