walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
