I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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