shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Two words: nipple clamps
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