I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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