my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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