Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
