It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
