I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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