dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
