You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
