Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
