What a fucking waste of an outfit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
