Three words: puerto rican gang bang
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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