youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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