the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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