Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
