I bet he comes in French.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
