Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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