God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
