I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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