Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
