I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
