Your tits are I can't wait for
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
