ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
